- 2019 -

Reconfiguring

Janis Joplin

Ahmed had left early this morning. It was an extremely difficult and emotional three days, and he had felt the tension directly. It was a relief to have him leave so that I wouldn't feel the pressure of guilt for being so difficult and unable to think clearly or make decisions.

This night, I locked myself in the studio and set aside the night hours to let myself take my time and have thoughts and inspirations come on their own timing without me driving a productivity forward. I know that sometimes using Uferstudio space for more than 4 hours is inconsiderate of other students, but sometimes the long time is the only was to settle into a space, let the body feel relaxed and welcome a sweet period of time where thoughts and energies begin to flow...without pressure.

Meg Stuart has said (and I've observed over the years) that stress and pressure don't belong in the art/rehearsal space...she's always staying calm and relaxed...or at least mostly not letting nerves or stress affect the space. I have noticed through her processes and through my own that a depressurized space in this way helps for the light and simple ideas to come forward...the ones that might seem like just for fun and not serious. But sometimes these are the best.

Tonight was a little like that. Janis Joplin had been on my mind a bit the days before and especially earlier today when a friend mentioned "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" from the song "Bobby McGee".

I began listening to her songs on YouTube and spent the majority of the time reading/listening to lyrics and resonating with her at the level of bluesy music that i feel, a figure that I empathize with (southern girl trying to overcome a difficulty, etc), a human who is open and unafraid to let the bad out with the good without restraint.

Janis emerged a bit like Zam Johnson had, in the right moment and time and space.