- 2019 -

1-2 November

From September through all of October Raquel and Icaro were preparing themselves to apply for a residence/work permit at the Ausländerbehörde. Besides getting connected into the Berlin professional scene, they're hope was that a letter from the UdK would look very good when they applied at immigration. I was hoping as well because I really wanted to work with them because I love them as people, and I love their music. I had also spent a month and a half with them in my mind, heart and soul forming an idea of the show we could all do together.

On 31 October 2019, they were rejected for their VISA. They messaged me very early Friday morning on the 1st. They had to leave that night via bus to London because their tourist VISA was about to expire.

Ahmed was with me that day, and we spent a few hours in the studio that day trying to brainstorm an emergency plan...or an emergency studio time to plan out what to do with these unfortunate turn of events.

One thought was...
-I do more of a duet show with Alessandro. However, I felt it would be too much of a duet and the focus would turn to his paintings and his role as an artist, and it could be less about the dancing. ...was my feeling.

Ahmed and I took inventory of all the research and materials that were in development. How to reconfigure the show from a quartet to something else? Find another live musician? Many questions...

That night we met Icaro and Raquel in the city 2 hours before they had to catch their bus. I gave them each 100€ as a small thank you. I could not give them more because I'm quite poor, but I had to give them something. It was a sweet goodbye.

On the UBahn, I had the idea that I should just do the whole show in silence. My reasoning was that if the initial desire is to dance and break free then a condition that would be radical in making this dancing intention shine forth would be if there was no music...despite the silence, the dancing would still emerge. The show would be about insistence. It would be a clear choice and a clear parameter to work in. Ahmed seemed to think this was the best idea we had come up with all day, so we decided to move forward with it.

? --> Silence

At the end of our studio time and disaster recovery planning we spent a half hour to work on material.

Ahmed has been observing that I jump around horizontally through all the materials and possibilities, but I don't turn my focus more vertically to go deeper into specifics of one thing. I agree and I don't.

Anyways, based off of his wish and me just wanting a mental break, he proposed that we just live in the world of the Journey Walk for 30 minutes.

I enjoy spending lots of time in one material without pressure to produce...it can unfold on its own and open up new discoveries.

The next day, Saturday, I had rehearsal with Alessandro. I updated him about the whole thinking that Ahmed and I had done already.

The working relationship with Alessandro had already been strained the last few weeks. Unlike the third semester, he seemed noticeably less engaged this semester, and we kept on running into work-flow issues in the studio.

I think a major cause is that I decided to take on the role of director this time which meant that I was not a blank canvas open to any proposals. I think this was the foundational shift in our collaboration, and it caused confusion and frustration.

I explained the thinking I had done the day before along with Ahmed, and how I thought that the whole piece could be in silence. I wasn't sure about the use of materials anymore since it didn't make sense to me outside of the "community" with Raquel and Icaro where each person can bring in new ideas/contributions onto the stage. But I was still open, but that him and I would just need to reorient ourselves and adjust.

Unfortunately, we got into another argument and we both decided that the collaboration wasn't working at this time.

I was surprised but also not surprised. I knew that the communication was not as clear as would have been nice to have, but I needed to just move forward because time was crucial...I would need to adjust my budget and hire possible new collaborators ASAP, so I could not linger too long without decisions on this part.

So in two days I lost my collaborators and the whole idea for a show with others. Now I decided radically to make a solo in silence about the desire to dance.