- 2019 -

1-5 November

After losing the collaborators and deciding to take the direction of a silent show, I proceeded to go through all the materials in silence to see if it could work. For certain materials it was easier, like doing Nijinsky's Fauno since that choreography has a lot of still poses. Other material was more difficult like trying to dance to Gypsy Woman...to keep the dance as if the music is blasting loud...a challenging performer and dancer exercise to proceed as if the music is still there...so that the audience doesn't become overly preoccupied with that fact...worrying for me to keep my focus but rather being able to see the mechanics at work between a dancer, the possible music, the struggle and the flow of dancing.

The other interesting, challenging, and kinda sad question was if I could do the materials of others? Or, what material do I have if it belonged on someone else actually? I was depending on the other bodies, the other people because the situation and actions came from them as individuals in relation to me and each other. So now I had to find my own relationships to each material and person differently...I had to deepen my connections in a way, and by doing so, I could embody the relationship...but then I become independent in this process. This is both necessary in the new solo-situation, but it's also difficult and sad because I wanted to be with other people. In another way of seeing things though, Perhaps the universe was nudging me towards what I should have been doing the whole time which is to put myself out there rather than trying to hide behind other people. I'm lazy or scared to do the hard work of raising my energy to make myself open up, but now I had no choice but to do so... it's the most challenging thing, but exactly the work I had been intending with the "desire to dance" statement from the summer.

? --> Silence

Birdy emerged because the theme of burning the Birdcage from my session with Don Hanson in June kept running through the process...the idea to break from my own prisons of holding back and not allowing myself to risk and enjoy and discover. Ingrid mentioned the movie "Birdy" from the 80s with Nicholas Cage, so I saw it, and copied some of the movements from the actor and combined with other vocabulary from my fascination with crows in other works. That Birdy character wanted to be free like a bird, so my character developing for this show resonated with that film.

I did a run for Rhys and my friend Michael...a tryout of the new direction of the show. It was very rough. It became very clear afterwards that a silent show is not the direction to go in...it didn't make me feel excited or inspired (knowing my situation of production in a short time), and it would be too difficult and formal somehow to make this work and be interesting for me and an audience perhaps even.

So, SILENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER!